Number Two?

Lil Miss P is now 19 months old.

Her father is 49 years old.

And I’m 38 years old.

Time is ticking by fast, we’re all getting older and the pressure is on.

The pressure for baby number 2.

It’s a pressure that brings so many emotions and fears for us. As well as a lot of hope and excitement.

Getting to motherhood wasn’t an easy journey for me.

I can’t conceive without help, and my body struggles to carry a child.

So far I have had five pregnancies, and one birth.

Lil Miss P was a miracle for us. She came to us against the odds.

Hoping for another miracle is scary and feels a little unrealistic.

Could we really be lucky enough to get through all the ups and downs and finally have another baby?

It’s something we’ve been contemplating, and deciding whether we want to find out.

Well not deciding as such, we know we want another baby, a sibling for Lil Miss P, but the thought of going through all the stress of getting pregnant again and then getting to full term feels exhausting. The months of trying, and disappointment. The medications and the resulting physical changes and mood swings. The daily worry and pleas for God, the Universe, whoever, to grant us this baby.

It’s such a long, tough, heart breaking journey.

All the specialist appointments and poking and proding are my reality with trying to conceive, and I just don’t know if I have the mental and emotional strength to do it all again.

I want to. I really want to.

I LOVE, loving my little girl. It would be amazing to share even more love with another child.

It would be amazing to see my beautiful little girl sharing her life with a sibling.

It would be a blessing to have another part of my husband and I to extend our family.

I just wish I could know how it would go.

Will we be lucky, will we get pregnant and welcome another beautiful soul into this world?

Lil Miss P is our little miracle and after all the trouble we had before her, she is the most amazing reward I could ever hope for.

That’s what spurs me on, to try, to go through the fears, the hurt, the disappointments, the sense of being broken.

It’s what makes it all seem worth it. That beautiful, incredible gift we could receive.

Loving a child, for me, has been the most rewarding, life fulfilling thing ever and I know I’m ready to do it all again.

And yet, I know how lucky I am to have even been given one chance.

Because so many others don’t.

It’s amazing, when you start talking about issues with pregnancy and the losses, how many others have been through the same heart ache. It’s so sad when you speak to someone who continues to try and try and try but can’t have their hearts goal realised.

So I know how lucky we are. Every. Single. Day, I know.

But a part of me knows we’re not done. A part of me knows that our family could expand and it would be so, so welcomed.

It might not be our fate, it might not be possible.

It might not be.

But I think we have to try………



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